letting go

letting go

Disyembre 20, 2007, 3:25 umaga
Filed under: Uncategorized

bebe died, lola died. 

for two persons that i love most, i only cried for my lolas death. crying perceives a weakness for some and bebe believes showing your negative emotion is a  strong indication that you are weak. So during my bebe’s death, i was quiet and no single teardrops from my eyes. i didnt cry but i want to cry really really hard but i cant do it. i dont want bebe to give another disappointment. i ddnt want to get the attention of the people which might trigger their curiosities on  my connection with the person inside the beautiful carved brown coffin. for strangers i am bebe’s friend but for your family i am your another man.

letting go is a process. but i believe to move on from the past i have to get rid the emotional baggage in my system. i hope you will forgive me my bebe. i want to show my weakness. i am crying really really hard. i cant hold the tears from falling anymor. i am in pain and  i want to cry even just for now. i want to cry in front of many people. i want to show to them that i also have this heart to love and to get hurt in return. i want them to know that i love you so much. i know that even our friends wont buy the idea that i do love you but i know u know that. i admit that i am not the most handsome and faithful guy you ever had but my heart is. my lola can tell that. if ever that you have time to see my lola kindly send my hugs and kisses to her. tell her that i am sorry because i did not keep my promise and same to you. my lola doesnt like the idea of having a relationship with u but i still fought our love. Please feel sorry to her  for loving me faithfully until your last breath.

i know you dont want me to be a prisoner of my past. i know you only want the best for me. and now that i finished wailing my negative feelings it is now to look forward for a brighter future.

letting go is a process.. 

i already sent my resignation and planning to leave cebu for good. i want to meet new people, expose to new environment and new cultures. i need this for a fast healing.  I hope you will be my guiding light to my path to success. and please help me to choose the right person for me. because i know you are more experienced than me. hehehehehehe

 your physical absence is a great loss but thank you very much for not making me feel that you are not with me anymore. i love you so much. i really really do!

“id rather die in hell than to enter heaven without you” 

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